Our Relationship Reset Check-in: Six Months Later with Marcus Straub

Six months ago, we made a decision that would completely change the trajectory of our relationship—not just as sisters, but as women, mothers, and partners.

We stopped guessing.
We stopped assuming.
And we started doing the work.

In this first Relationship Reset Check-in, we sit down with our coach, Marcus Straub, to reflect on what’s actually changed since beginning this journey through DISC, Driving Forces, and integrity-based communication.

This isn’t theory—it’s real life.

We talk about:

• What we’ve learned about ourselves—and each other—faster than we ever expected
• How awareness replaces assumption and transforms communication
• What it looks like to apply these tools in real time (not just read about them)
• The ripple effect into our families, parenting, marriages, and friendships
• How this work changed the quality of time we shared during the holidays
• Why most people struggle in relationships—and what actually helps

Marcus also shares his perspective after working with us weekly for six months, along with why assessment-based coaching creates such powerful and lasting change.

If you’ve ever thought, “Why don’t they understand me?” or “Why does this keep happening?”—this conversation will give you language, clarity, and a path forward.

Because relationships don’t change by chance.
They change by choice—and by tools that actually work.

*NOTE: To follow along with our Relationship Comparison Report, visit thePIGpodcast.com/episodes/episode-31.

Transcript

Why This Check-In Matters

Erin 0:03

Today's episode is a special one because it brings us back to a conversation that has been quietly transforming our lives behind the scenes for the past several months. Last fall, we invited our coach, Marcus Straub, onto the podcast to walk through our own PIG Relationship Reset in real time.

Kellie 0:19

We opened up to unpack our behavioral styles, explored our Driving Forces, and we started having conversations about how we think, communicate, and navigate life together as sisters that should have happened years ago. And what's been amazing is that the work didn't stop when the microphones turned off.

Erin 0:35

We've continued meeting with Marcus almost weekly, digging deeper into the tools, the insights, and the real life application of what it means to truly understand one another. The impact has reached far beyond the podcast.

Kellie 0:48

Today we're doing our very first Relationship Reset Check-in, an honest look at what's changed and why this kind of work can be so powerful for anyone who wants to build stronger, healthier relationships. And we couldn't think of a better person to guide that conversation than the one who's been walking through it with us from the very beginning.

What The Relationship Reset Is

Erin 1:07

Welcome to The P-I-G, where we explore life, love, loss, and legacy through real conversations and meaningful stories with purpose, intention, and gratitude. We're Kellie and Erin, sisters, best friends, sometimes polar opposites, but always deeply connected by the life and love of the woman who taught us that honest reflection is a powerful tool. Our mother, Marsha. Marcus, here we are again. Welcome back. It's always so great having you here, and we have a really fun show in store today. It's hard to believe it's been almost six months since we launched our own PIG Relationship Reset, and so much has happened for all of us since then, not just in the work we've been doing together as sisters through this exclusive LIG/PIG program, but also in each of our lives personally and professionally. For listeners who may be joining us for the first time, we kicked off the Relationship Reset back in Episode 20 with a deep dive into the DISC portion of our relationship comparison report, basically exploring how we each do what we do. Then in Episode 21, we continued the journey with the 12 Driving Forces, unpacking why we do what we do and how our values and motivations intersect with our behavioral styles to shape who we are as individuals and as sisters. And if you're just stepping into this conversation now, we definitely recommend going back and listening to those episodes for a little bit of context. You can also check out our actual report at the PIGpodcast.com if you want to follow along and see exactly what we've been working with. Now, one of the reasons this conversation feels especially meaningful today is because the work we're doing with you isn't theoretical. It's happening in real time. Kellie and I have continued coaching with you almost weekly since October, and the ripple effects have been incredible, not just for our relationship as sisters, but for our families, our marriages, our parenting, and even the way we show up professionally. Honestly, it even changed the quality of time we spent together over the holidays this year. Thanksgiving felt completely different than it has in the past. The conversations were deeper, the understanding was stronger, and there was a level of ease and connection that simply didn't exist before we started this journey.

Kellie 3:33

And of course, a lot has been happening in your world too, Marcus. Just a few weeks ago, you were recognized by TTI Success Insights as their 2026 Contributor of the Year. This was one of only eight awards bestowed to individuals across a global network of more than 6,500 partners in over 90 countries. So congratulations on that! We're incredibly proud of you. And because we use TTI SI assessments as part of the Relationship Reset, we are deeply grateful that you continue to bring these functional tools and insights into our lives and this community. What's also really interesting is how perfectly this episode builds on the conversations we've been having so far this year. In just the first few weeks of 2026, we've explored joy and forgiveness with Ashley Jo, resilience and healing with Tiffaney Childers, reflected on our own sister journey in "From Roots to Ripples," learned about powerful transformation through horses with Cindy Hartzell, an episode I know you absolutely loved, and celebrated our one-year anniversary with Chris Howard in "The Story Behind the Story." So today feels like the perfect moment to come back to the work that's been quietly shaping so much of what's happening behind the scenes. Because this Relationship Reset isn't just about improving communication, it's also about building deeper understanding, strengthening connection, and learning how to navigate life together with a whole new level of awareness and intention. So to kick things off today, we'd love to turn the mic over to you and have you share a little bit more about the Relationship Reset itself, what the program is designed to accomplish, why this kind of work is so important for building stronger relationships, and how the tools we've been using through LIG Coaching & Consulting, your company, are helping people move from misunderstanding to real connection. Also, where we started, where we are today, and how far we've come because of this work together.

Marcus Straub 5:42

Well, thanks for having me back on the show, ladies. I really appreciate it. It's uh always fun to be on The P-I-G, spend time with a couple of really quality human beings, and really be part of something that I think is having an impact in the world. You know, every week there are more and more downloads, there are more and more listeners. I think people are getting the hang of that or getting a hint that you guys exist, that what you do is really great, and that you're trying to have an impact, and you are. So to be back is really great. You know, this Relationship Reset is an exciting thing because every relationship that I'm aware of, because I'm a coach, so I work with relationships that are challenged, right? And so all these relationships have barriers between being the best relationship that they can possibly be. It's almost like one person standing on one side of a canyon and one person standing on the other. And the Relationship Reset is really designed through understanding and through dialogue and really constructive conversation to help each person build a bridge towards the other person across that canyon so that ultimately we can build a bridge across that distance between us and really begin to close the distance because now we understand we don't take things so personally. We really communicate better, we want to be closer together because we're releasing some of those assumptions, those biases, those prejudices, those things that happened in the past that don't need to be carried around like emotional stones, they can actually be recycled into treasures that people can take forward, which is what you guys are good at doing. And it really changes the reality of things. I mean, the greatest change that I've seen in you guys is that literally, literally, you understand each other better, you communicate better than you ever have, you're more open and receptive to each other than you've ever been. You have built that bridge across that canyon and you walk back and forth as you need to to stay in touch with each other, which I think is a beautiful thing. So, you know, a relationship that came into the world seven years apart, had its ups and downs over the years, and here it is operating smooth, easy, sweet. Your connection is stronger and really richer than it's ever been, even as women who have your own lives, your own families, your own careers, etc. And it's been a really beautiful thing to watch. I love to bring people together. I love to help people smile, I love to help people quit taking things personally, not making assumptions, communicate really, really well, and just enjoy life together because this is a precious gift. And if we can't do that, we're missing out on a big deal.

DISC And Driving Forces Explained

Erin 8:05

Gosh, that's all so true. That describes exactly what has unfolded in our relationship. And I'm just so grateful. I'm so grateful for you and your wisdom and insight and the work that you do. I'm so grateful that Kellie and I went into this with open hearts and minds and a willingness to do the work. I think that's obviously the first step is being willing to do the work. It has. It's completely transformed our relationship in every possible way.

Marcus Straub 8:34

Nice. I think it might be helpful just to let the listeners in on to remind them from previous episodes what we're actually talking about with DISC and Driving Forces in the Relationship Reset, a little context. And for those people who are just joining us new, it should help too. So basically, what I did was is I assessed Erin and Kellie both on their behaviors, what we call DISC style, which really measures how they would have a tendency to do certain things. And then we also have the Driving Forces, which is why you do what you do. These are values, core values, principle beliefs. These are things that people really believe in and sometimes are really, really passionate about. So we can get a lot of rub between two people if we don't understand the differences and we take them personally. We make assumptions of, oh, they're just doing this or they're just doing that. When really that's not the case. There's underlying reasons why we behave the way we do, there's underlying reasons why we communicate the way we do, why we make the decisions the way that we do. And it's a combination of nature and nurture, your genetic material and your condition at this point in your life. And most people walk around in the world every single day not understanding these fundamental things that make us tick, that either cause us to align or misalign with another human being. Once we get a chance to understand these things and we see black and white data, not just somebody saying this is what it is or that's what it is, but you get a real report, black and white data, highly, highly accurate information that then people can lean into and go, "Oh, why do that?" And, "That is the way that I am, and here's why." And suddenly, when you start to explain the why, people start to go, "Oh, I never even thought of that," or "I didn't realize you looked at it that way or felt that way about it." And suddenly we start to get closer together because misunderstanding is replaced with communication and understanding. And those things are vital in any relationship and a Relationship Reset lets us do that.

Kellie 10:27

Do you want to give any background information about where we started, what we did in those first two episodes for the Check-in today, or should we just dive right in to what's happened since we started?

Marcus Straub 10:42

Well, yeah. When we go back and we look at the DISC debrief that we did, we really looked at your communication preferences. So, you know, how do each of you prefer to be communicated with? You have similarities, as we know. You both share that I and you both share that S in the DISC model, but you carry them in different ways. Okay. You you have different levels of intensity about them. And so, with that in place, not even mentioning your Driving Forces, we know that there's certain things that need to be done. The way I like to talk about it is when we all grew up, we had radios with dials on them. And if you wanted to listen to a radio station, you needed to turn that dial sometimes ever so slightly in order to get the very best signal you could. I look at people the same way. If I just understand what frequency you're on, what radio station are you playing on, and I can dial that in really clearly, then what I'm doing is I'm actually understanding how you deliver information and how you receive information. And with the DISC reports that we worked on, it actually gives you guidelines for how to talk to each other, what to do because that turns the other person on to engagement, or what not to do because that turns them off and disengages them from the conversation at hand. It really matters. You know, I think a lot of people don't understand the actual importance of understanding how other people receive information. The standard belief is everybody hears the way I hear. Well, I have news for the world, and I'm sure you do too, that that is not the case. Even though you two are sisters, same genetic material in many respects, similar conditioning, you don't hear information the same way. And so if I just talk to Erin the way that I normally talk, I'm going to lose her at times because I talk faster, I talk with more intensity, more energy, things like that. I may be more direct or matter-of-fact. And Erin isn't that way. And so I need to really understand her in order to be able to deliver information in a way that her brain isn't struggling to pull it in. In other words, the best way to say this is that when we learn to speak the languages of others, we help people to listen better because it would make it easier to listen. We make it easier to listen. I think the average human being, and I do a listening training as well as you guys know. And all the people I've ever been in front of training that, I've never met a person that says, Yeah, I really enjoy it when people don't listen to me. I've never met that person yet. Okay. And so we know that we want to be listened to, we know we want to be heard. So if we can learn how other people receive information, we can literally make it easier for them to listen to us, which is what we want, anyways, right?

Kellie 13:18

I always love the analogy you use about driving a stick shift automobile. Now, all of us are old enough that we know what a manual transmission car is versus an automatic, which is kind of what everybody has today. Will you share that analogy with the listeners?

Speak Their Language Not Yours

Marcus Straub 13:38

Absolutely. So for those of you who know, you're gonna understand right out of the gate what a manual transmission is, you know, five speed, four speed, whatever. For those of you who don't, basically, instead of just putting your car in gear and letting the transmission do all the work for you, a manual is where you actually have to shift from first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and then down into lower gears, is you need to pick up speed again. So basically, you have your hand on a stick shift and you are adjusting that based upon what kind of speed you need in the moment that's appropriate for the situation. So when you think about that and put that towards communication, we basically have D, I, S, and C. We have a four-speed transmission with a high and low in all four of those. Sometimes I need to drive up my C, which is conscientious compliant, so that I slow my conversation down, I become less emotional, more matter-of-fact, and I deliver data and details to that person because that is what they need, what they're looking for, what they want from me. And when I do that, as I've just done with you right now, to slow it down, take the energy out of my tone, a little more monotone, a little more matter of fact, keep it very, very accurate. Any high C is going to engage with me at a very high level, even though I'm a very low C. So I just did my opposite behavioral style for you right here. Now, if I'm gonna talk to a high eye, I'm gonna bring it right back up. I'm gonna have body language, I'm gonna have tone. I'm shifting that I back up there because I'm talking to another high eye. They love the energy, they love the interaction. So I can bring that and be that, and it's just fine. But then if I need to talk to a high S, I have to bring it down in speed and tempo again because they processing more data points. They're trying to understand what's going on more than the high eye likely would. And so I want to give them a chance to stay with me in the conversation so they can pick up what I'm saying, as opposed to feeling like they're in the water with the speed boat running away from them and they can't even keep up. And now, if I'm gonna talk to a high D, I'm gonna have some sharper energy, I'm gonna bring that energy back up. I'm gonna be short, sweet, concise to the point, get down to the data, the facts, whatever we need to do to make a decision and move on. And that driver's gonna want to engage me because guess what? I'm not wasting his or her time. So I just did all four driving four or all four DISC styles with you. I just shifted manually. Everybody can learn how to do this. It does take practice, but it's a competency. It's something that you can learn, it's a skill you can build once you know what the factors are in there to look for and how to move with the person that you're talking to. You can do what I just did. And it changes how you communicate. Now, you two, because you've been involved with me in this and you understand this information, you've been working on this. And so you guys have been working. How do I speak my sister's language better so that it's easier for her to engage and we get more done and we can be more productive and really have a very full, rewarding, wonderful relationship. And you're doing a great job.

Erin 16:36

Aw, thanks for that. I agree. I feel like we are doing a really great job of that. I love that analogy so much. Thank you for walking us through that. I also love the analogy of the dials on the radio and how sometimes you have to just tweak it just slightly just enough. And, you know, the thing that we have obviously talked about so much, but really just to loop our listeners in is that for me, so much of the power of doing these assessments and and working with you, and then certainly doing the comparison report of our assessments side by side is so powerful in so many ways, but it starts with yourself. And for me, it was it was so profound to work with you and to walk through this assessment and to put language to my own being, who I am, how I operate in the world. Understanding yourself first and foremost is so critically important. And when you have a deeper understanding of yourself and who you are and understand your own strengths and weaknesses and how you like to be communicated with and all of the things, that's really powerful because I know in our sister relationship for so many years, I felt I felt like I was, you know, comparing myself to Kellie a lot. I thought that her strengths should be my strengths. And I just assumed that my weaknesses were also her weaknesses or, you know, whatever. So many assumptions made, like you talked about. And so being able to figure out really who I am and understanding that on a deeper level, and then being open to learning who Kellie is and really understanding that on a deeper level, it changes everything about the dynamics of how we communicate each and every day.

Marcus Straub 18:33

As it should. I mean, we don't know what we don't know. And the human brain is this amazing instrument. It's like a supercomputer, a biological supercomputer. And guess what? It wants to know, it wants to understand. And if it doesn't understand, it makes things called assumptions. And those assumptions, a lot of times, are wrong, right? Because of biases, fears, all kinds of different things that we have. So when we get a chance to sit down, comparison report, taking Kellie's results and Erin's reports and putting them side by side so that we can see where each person lie on each page of that report in a side-by-side positive comparison, not a negative comparison, then the brain doesn't have to assume anymore. It gets to understand, which is what it wants. Then we have to drop the old beliefs, right? Because let's face it, you guys had made assumptions about each other, you held those beliefs for a long time, they became real. And so once we understand something different, the door opens for you to be able to say, I release that old belief now because now I truly understand what's going on, and I have a new belief that serves me and this relationship. That is a critical point to make. Our old beliefs, our old assumptions get in the way all the time. That's why there is one person standing on one side of the canyon and one standing on the other side. But when we get rid of that, the bridge gets built automatically because we're working on absolute understanding now as opposed to assumption and wrong thoughts or feelings or beliefs about another person.

Erin 19:58

Yeah. And it is true too, what you said about how, you know, when it becomes a functional tool and when you start to really use it in everyday life, and these are our skills that we can actually build, we can grow in them. And I feel like I'm just a constant work in progress now because of that. And so there are things day to day where Kellie and I might be working on something on the podcast or just having a sister chat about crap going on in our lives, which there's plenty of stuff always going on, not related to the podcast. But I will make a statement or be beating myself up about something or be talking about anything. And Kellie will sometimes say to me, Well, that's your I, that's your low D, you know, like whatever it is. And she reminds me of that. And in my work with you, you remind me of that. And I just wish that everybody had this knowledge so that in every conversation that I was with, people could remind me, you know, well, yeah, I'm a high S and that's different than you, you, or you know, like whatever it is. And so it is so incredible to have the openness, I guess, in that communication, then to where when I am struggling with something or when I'm not seeing something for what it really is, to have somebody who also has the knowledge of their assessment and my assessment to remind me of my strengths and weaknesses and that it's okay to just be me, but to remember why I'm handling this the way that I'm handling it. And there's nothing wrong with me, it's just how I'm built. But knowing then that I can choose to pivot in my thought process or my behavior patterns or whatever that is, it's incredible.

Kellie 21:54

One of the things that I've noticed also is because there's so much content contained in this report. And this is where the magic is: keeping it alive as a functional tool and not letting it sit on your computer or be in a notebook, in a drawer, somewhere back of your files on your desk, is that you can constantly learn if it becomes a living, breathing part of who you are and how you operate in the world. One of the things I've particularly noticed between you and I, Erin, is the perceptions page, how you and I both break down under pressure. Because we both live in a world with a lot of movement tasks and all kinds of things going on all the time. And so there have been several times where you and I, kudos to both of us, have been able to, without even asking the question, we have been able to identify that one or the other of us is actually in a state of stress without having to dig into those questions or make an assumption about it, like we were just talking previously. And as I look back over the course of our relationship, and you've been in the world for almost 49 years. So, five decades. But I look back over especially the long, slow fade of disconnect. This is where we were making assumptions. You were under stress, I was under stress; you were fatigued, I was fatigued. There was pressure going on in our individual worlds that we weren't talking about, we didn't know, recognize, or understand. And so we started condemning, judging, having hurt feelings without having dialogue and good communication simply because we were breaking down under pressure. Now I can just sit and listen. I can shift into neutral and just be present, listen, and ask the questions about what's going on that's breaking you down under pressure. This is what I'm interpreting or what I'm seeing. Am I correct? And it has led to some incredible dialogue between us that has stitched together the fabric of our relationship faster and more solidified than anything. And that has been so fun. Yeah.

Stress Signals And The Perceptions Page

Marcus Straub 24:22

It's great. You know, when you think about it, when you can get out of assumption and judgment and you can get into curiosity and communication and understanding, it changes the playing field because we we make so many mistakes in our in our assumptions and our prejudgments of situations. But once we have information, once we're able to talk about it openly and honestly, and we have understanding, it's like, oh my gosh, I didn't realize that. Like the perceptions page you just talked about, Kellie. When Erin is under extreme pressure, she's going to appear to be detached and insensitive and stubborn. All that's really happening there, as you discovered through this, is that she cares deeply because she feels deeply, but she doesn't know what to do. So she's getting stiff and rigid like a deer in a headlight, and just I'm not going anywhere, I'm not doing anything until I understand what's going on and what to do.

Kellie 25:12

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 25:12

You never knew that before.

Kellie 25:13

No, and in the past that pissed me off.

Marcus Straub 25:15

Right.

Erin 25:16

Yeah.

Kellie 25:16

Or I'd get offended, or I would take it personally, or I would make it about me.

Marcus Straub 25:22

Right?

Kellie 25:23

Right. And not about what's actually happening with Erin... what's going on in Erin's world? What question can I ask to crack open the door to communication with curiosity so that Erin feels like she's in a safe environment with me all the time and can talk to me about anything?!

Marcus Straub 25:41

Yep. That's a nice change.

Kellie 25:43

Oh, oh. Yeah. And here's what's so fun about doing this work with you. Yes, you are my husband, and we have been in relationship for 16 years, which means that you have watched our relationship for the past 16 years. We're coming up on two decades of you have watched the patterns of behavior between Erin and I - where we've gone right and where we've gone terribly, terribly wrong. And so to be working on this together with you now with all of this history in a neutral format where you are our coach. You're not my husband, you're not her brother-in-law. Yes, we're all family, but we're doing this because we care about each other at the core of who we are as human beings.

Marcus Straub 26:31

Agreed. Agreed.

Kellie 26:32

And it's helping us not just be the best that we can be, like Erin mentioned in a previous episode or last episode, actually, with Chris, not just be the best podcast hosts that we can be and the sisters that we can be, but we're taking this into every area of our life, and it's truly transformative.

Marcus Straub 27:34

Erin, how many times did I reference the difference in behavioral style and also the similarities in your Driving Forces to help navigate through that conversation, through the challenge of that relationship? I mean, these are tools. This is information, this is power, this is knowledge, you know, and knowledge is only power if you use it. So we've got these wonderful assessments. They give us so much knowledge, so much power. And as long as we keep it alive, as long as we bring it in and make it part of our framework as a human being, once we have access to it, it changes our reality because now we're not living in the dark. We're not living in assumptions, we're living in an empowered state because we're using the knowledge that we now have and the understandings that it brings to us.

Erin 28:17

Yes. And on the heels of that, recognizing that, "Oh, I may have said or done some things that that other person didn't hear the way I intended them based on their assessment, their profile." And so, you know, it's a hard look in the mirror to go, "Oh crap." Like, I wish I could go back and say that differently or do that differently. We can't, right? We can only move forward with intention. And so it does do something really deep internally when you're like, "Oh, I recognize that for what it is now. There's language for that." There's some real, again, functional tools here. So how am I going to pivot? And what am I going to do differently next time to build that bridge and to make sure that I'm not putting myself in a situation again where I'm contributing really to the breakdown and communication in a relationship that's important to me, right? And again, it doesn't matter if it's with my sister, with my partner, with one of my kids, with it doesn't it just anybody, right? It will transform any relationship that you want.

Marcus Straub 29:39

It has that power.

Erin 29:40

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 29:40

It has that power as long as people use it, right? I mean, that's the biggest trick. I can give everybody e very tool in the world, so can you. But if you don't use the tool when you need to use it and use it in a way that's effective, you're going to misuse the tool or not use the tool. And that's not going to help anybody or anyone, you know? I mean, yeah, these things help us to understand that we have tools available to us and it's in a framework that's easy to understand. It's if you have somebody who can interpret it for you and really help you ingrain it within yourself. This becomes really simple stuff that just takes practice, it takes awareness, you know, be able to catch yourself going, "Oh, that's right. I'm talking to a person who's not highly interactive, and I am just bubbling and information's coming out of me, and I'm just talking like I'm talking to another high I." And they're like, "Oh, hold on. Too many words,

Erin 30:29

"Too many words!"

Marcus Straub 30:30

Too many words, right? And then you get a chance to go, "Okay, there's that stick shift analogy that we gave earlier," right? "Okay, I'm talking to a low I. Let me just dial that down," right? Let me try to meet them closer to where they're at, fewer words, less emotional intensity, less chaos in what I'm saying. And then they're gonna be, oh, this is easy to talk to you now.

Erin 30:49

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 30:50

And that's how simple it really, really is.

Kellie 30:52

So I have a couple of thoughts. One is for somebody like me who loves to learn, because that's in my Driving Forces, doing this work and keeping this at the forefront is full of micro learning moments all the time. It's just constantly little micro learning. And so that's fun. And when you apply that little micro learning in your relationships, whether it's personal or professional, family, non-family, even going to the grocery store or shopping or driving in the car, how you engage with people on the road. I mean, it's all tied to what we know about ourselves here. And we come into the world without an owner's manual. Erin and I were just talking about this yesterday during a private sister chat about how not only did our children come into the world without an owner's manual, we didn't either. And we're still figuring it out with ourselves and each other as we go and grow. We're building the owner's manual in real time. This is the closest thing I've ever seen to it. Here's where I think this information is so powerful for family members. I think it's very easy to make assumptions with the people that you share familial relationships with, more so than the people that you don't. That's just something I found. That's my personal opinion. Those relationships you can kind of leave over here, whether it's work or it's a friendship or it's something else. It's it gets different when you get inside these really tight-knit family bonds. And because of the history that we have and the time that we've spent together growing up, writing our own owner's manual as we go, there's a lot of hiccups that can take place. And overcoming them can be very, very, very challenging. And this information is so helpful and so useful to do that. That's where I've seen it really come alive for us.

Marcus Straub 32:56

I agree. I think that those things are very, very true of the Relationship Reset that we do with the two of you and that you can continue to work on and that we continue to work on, and we're talking about today, even, right? It's it's just wonderful when you start to understand that just because we're different doesn't mean we have to have issues with each other.

Kellie 33:13

Right.

Marcus Straub 33:14

I think that's a really important thing. You know, we may see things differently, we may value things differently, but that doesn't mean we have to have an issue with each other. If we understand the differences and how we can play to our strengths within the relationship with each other or in business, and we also understand how we can counterbalance each other with our differences. You know, you have more of a drive and more of a sense of urgency in you, Kellie, than your sister does. Her driver's lower, her S is higher, your S is lower, and your drive is higher. So she has a less of a sense of urgency. You know, you have more, but sometimes you need to slow down, and sometimes you need to speed up. It just depends. And if you guys are willing to lean into each other's natural tendencies when you need to, then what you're gonna do is you're gonna find a much clearer path for you to proceed forward in a much better way because you're more powerful together than you are apart, as long as you understand how do we counterbalance each other, how do we learn into each other's strengths, all that stuff really, really matters. And most people don't know that. And I love what you're saying, Kellie. We don't come into life with an owner's manual. This thing gives you a roadmap. If you understand it, it actually gives you a roadmap with other people that are not your family, just from understanding different styles, different values. But when you do a Relationship Reset, we build the map. Yeah, we build it together through the reset and we come to really appreciate each other better and to put down the differences and pick up the similarities and where we can help each other and counterbalance each other. I don't know about you guys, but that sounds good.

Kellie 34:42

It does sound really good. You know what just popped into my head as you were talking was a visual of taking a detour instead of you know, you go off the path and you go off in a totally different direction. This information has allowed me to do several things, but one of them is kind of detour around an obstacle, but still get back on the same path instead of I'm out, I'm moving on, I'm going in a totally different direction. I'm not be on Erin's road anymore. I want to be on my own road. We can detour around. And I think that that I don't know if that makes sense or not, but it that visual just popped into my head.

Erin 35:20

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 35:21

I think it's a good one.

Driving Forces That Don’t Budge

Kellie 35:22

Yeah, makes sense to me. Another thing that's happened is Erin, there are times when you and I are in a coaching session with Marcus working on our assessments in real time. And I think back to moments when we were younger, not today. And it could have been when we were growing up as little kids on the farm or the ranch, or it could have been when we were getting into a new relationship with mom and pop and Scott, or when we were doing businesses together, you know, through the years, because we've literally spent our whole entire lives in some way, shape, or form connected to each other. So we have all this history and all these experiences and so many memories, and we're unboxing all these photos and pictures and working on all these things related to this project. And I can pick out moments in time where I'm like, oh, there it was. That's always been who she is. I know that. I understand that. And it helps me create this deeper connection to the history that we have shared together through all these years. So it's not like I'm focused right here, like it's right in front of my face, but I get to zoom out and have this really wide, beautiful perspective of our whole life, not just our life right now. Does that make sense?

Erin 36:42

Yeah, I love it. It's really beautiful.

Marcus Straub 36:45

Agreed. Agreed.

Kellie 36:46

That's been a lot of fun.

Marcus Straub 36:48

You know, after we talked about DISC, I think that was Episode 20, in Episode 21, we went into Driving Forces. Now, this is very powerful because DISC is easily adaptable. Easily, I mean, you walk from home into work and you're going to your brain, that supercomputer that we talked about, is going to assess the environment and it's going to fine-tune you unbeknownst to you, so that you can actually perform at the highest level and do that job really, really well. Driving forces are a little different, they're more like fence posts stuck in concrete. They don't really move as easily as behaviors do. They take something called a critical life incident, something really positive or something really negative with a strong enough charge to sort of shock the system and cause your values to potentially realign. They don't move nearly as easily. They can be regulated, they can be regulated, but we don't adapt them necessarily the same we do behaviors. And when we looked at your guys' Driving Forces, we could see that there was one similarity out of your top four, because there's a total of 12 Driving Forces. We have the top four or primaries, always on. The juice is always flowing through these, and these are where you make your decisions from. These are what puts you into action, which you value greatly. We know that there's another set of four, those are your situational ones. In certain situations, they come to bear, in certain situations, they don't. And then we know there's the indifferent ones, ones that don't come alive in you because you don't value them. But guess what? Other people do. So it's good to learn about all 12 because then you learn the other side of the coin, so to speak. And when we looked at you guys, we're able to see very clearly that you both are highly Harmonious. Okay. In your DISC, you're high I, high S, which is a relationship mark, right? That shows that you are a people and relationship-oriented person over tasks. And then we come to your Driving Forces and we see, wow, you're both Harmonious. Kellie, you're Harmonious number two at 76. And Erin, you're Harmonious number one at 92. You're both passionately, Erin, you're extremely passionately Harmonious, which means you're you value the experience, you balance harmony in your relationships, etc. And so you both are people in relationship oriented. You have a relationship and you're Harmonious, and you want a balanced, pleasant relationship with each other. There's a lot of motivation within the two of you to have the best relationship you can because guess what? That's who you are and what you want.

Erin 39:12

Yeah.

Intellectual Vs Instinctive Value Rubs

Marcus Straub 39:12

So the motivation was there, and it was easy to see. Okay, if we learn how to talk to each other, if we learn how to communicate, not make assumptions or not make judgments, but just understand even more than we currently do, then we're gonna have a more Harmonious relationship. And that's gonna mean a lot to both of you because it's gonna feed you at a very core level of your being, and it's gonna bring happiness and fulfillment, and it's gonna make you want more because as you get more Harmonious in your relationship, well, let's just keep going. This feels good, this is working. I like this. So that's the first thing that we saw, and we were able to really capitalize on that. Yes, and the next thing that we looked at was we we started looking at this next continuum, which had to do with how do you take in information and knowledge? Okay, we call this the knowledge continuum. What we were able to see, and I think Erin, you know this very clearly about your sister, is that she's number one Intellectual at 88. She is passionately Intellectual, she loves to learn, she hungers for knowledge, she thirsts for any information she can get her hands on. One thing I like to tell a story, I think I told this maybe in the previous episode, but I'm Instinctive like you, Erin. And I really just look for information that I'm really interested in, or information that I need to learn in order to be really good at what I do, etc. But mostly I go from past experience, gut instinct, and intuition, learning what I want or need to learn. Kellie wants to learn everything there is to learn. So we were driving to Zion National Park one year, and this is such a great story to illustrate this. We come around the corner, and I don't know, we're about 10 miles outside the park or whatever, and there's these open grasslands with these sort of clumps of spruce forest that are growing in these grasslands, these rangelands. We come around the corner and there's like, I don't know, 200 wild turkeys just sort of streaming out of this spruce forest. I've never seen that many wild turkeys in my life. And so I turn to my wife and I say, "Can you believe this? What do you call that many turkeys? You know, is it a is it a flock? Is it a gaggle? What is it?" You know, just curious. And she said, "Yeah, I wonder too." And so we drive down the road about another two miles, and lo and behold, out of another spruce forest, there's probably 300 turkeys streaming out of this thing. It was at dusk, they're gonna feed whatever. And I'm just blown away. I'm like, "I've never seen that many in my life. What in the world do you call those things?" Well, I was curious, and if I never knew what they were called, I was gonna be okay. You probably would too, Erin. Yeah, but your sister, being an Intellectual, as soon as we got into cell phone range, pops the phone and googles it in. Guess what? You call that many turkeys a rafter of turkeys. And so the difference is that an Intellectual person has to know, they must know, they thirst to know. Instinctive people do not. And so when we look at you guys, Kellie number one, you number two, she's Intellectual, you're Instinctive. This is an area where you two can get tripped up because Kellie may want to just learn, learn, learn and share knowledge, knowledge, knowledge. And you're like, "Well, I'm full, don't really care, not interested." And so she may have offense to the fact you don't want to learn, and you may feel like she's trying to shove knowledge down your throat when you don't really want it. And so, until you understand these differences, that's a place where you guys can literally have a value rub in your Driving Forces. Once you understand it, it's let's go. "My sister loves to learn and she loves to share knowledge;" "Oh, my sister's not interested in everything that I'm learning about. She wants to know certain things," so we can adjust our patience, we can adjust our listening, we can adjust our communication in order to make that not a rub, but a counterbalance in something that is complementary to each other.

Kellie 42:55

Okay, no doubt this has been a big rub for you and I in the past. Can you think of any specific examples?

Erin 43:05

I feel like I could have a whole podcast episode full of examples.

Kellie 43:12

Well, this will be fun.

Erin 43:15

Do you want me to share them now? Or I thought you were gonna like say something really profound and Intellectual.

Kellie 43:21

Well, thanks for thinking I'm an Intellectual and say really profound things, oh wise one.

Erin 43:28

It's literally on your assessment that I'm looking at on my screen! Ha.

Kellie 43:32

And by the way, if the listeners want to check this out, this is on Page 15 of our comparison report.

Marcus Straub 43:39

Yeah.

Kellie 43:39

No, can you think of an example? Because I know this has been a big rub for us.

Erin 43:44

I don't know what example to use. But yeah, I mean, I feel like not even just with you in particular, but I feel this to the core of my being. I feel it with Chat GPT on a daily basis. And I'm, you know, there you go...

Kellie 44:01

Yeah.

Erin 44:02

Using AI to ask questions, figure out things. And, you know, as we've been, you know, working and building different projects and and using it as a tool, I feel like I'll ask it a question just like I'll ask you a question. And then I just get like the longest response. And I have told Chat GPT, and it's so funny because I'm a high I - like I use a lot of words. I talk all the time. And I have told Chat GPT, "Too many words. I don't want all of the explanation. Like, just tell me what I need to know."

Kellie 44:35

Bottom line it.

Erin 44:36

Stop giving me all this nonsense, right? Where I'm like listening to even this conversation, I'm like, you probably love that when chat tells you like what to do and why to do it and why this works and algorithm this and who cares? Like crazy, right?

Kellie 44:58

That reminds me of this morning when you and I were talking. You're like, I got in a fight with Chat.

Erin 45:04

I did. I was cussing at Chat GPT. I was like, "Shut the fuck up." Like, "I don't need all that information." Anyway, you know, it's so funny because I think back to even the times that we've been in business together, right? And the here's a great example. You know, we both lived and breathed and worked in the fitness industry, right? We were both group fitness instructors. And I taught a lot of Les Mills programming, right? Body Pump. Give me the choreography, give me the music. I will memorize it, easy peasy, and then spit it back out to my classes. I was good at it. I loved it. I loved learning just what I needed to learn and then teaching it.

Kellie 45:56

Yeah.

Erin 45:56

Right? You didn't teach any of those pre-choreographed programmed classes. You wanted to learn all the moves and put them all together and put together your own music playlist. And I was like, oh my gosh, like there's too many tunes out there in the world to choose from. I was like, Les Mills, Body Pump was perfect for me because they just gave me what I needed to know and I could master it and then go teach it to my classes. And I loved that world. And so I think that that's probably a good example. Alongside that, then we dove into working in the direct sales world with a couple of different nutrition companies, right? And it was painstaking for me to have to feel like I had to learn about every product, all these ingredients, what they did, how they worked, all of that. But that's your world. You're a genetic wellness practitioner. Like you are a scientist. You love all of the things and you want to know all of the ingredients, how everything works in the body, all the systems and pathways. And I'm like, does it work? Is it gonna make me feel better? Am I gonna have more energy? Am I sleep better at night? Cool. That's like literally all I care about. So I know that was a really long-winded answer to your question, but that is just a couple of examples where your love for learning has been very apparent and where my I don't know if I would say disdain, but I'm gonna use that word today, where I'm just like, I just don't have that. And I know that you graduated from college and had big plans and dreams to then get your master's and maybe your doctorate and like do all of these things. And it's a miracle I hold a college degree. Like, I don't, I just did not ever want to go to class and learn anything.

Marcus Straub 48:02

Those are great examples.

Erin 48:03

So, anyway, I'm gonna stop. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Carry on...

Kellie 48:09

That's awesome.

Marcus Straub 48:11

So, anyway, yeah, good examples really illustrated the difference between Intellectual and Instinctive. And the point and rank is that neither one is wrong. Yeah, no, Intellectual is right for Kellie and Instinctive is right for you, Erin. Instinct is right for me. That doesn't mean we have to have an issue, that just means, hey, let's understand each other better. Too much knowledge, right? Too much information. Okay, I need more.

Kellie 48:31

And I'll have to tell you, this has opened up such incredible doors to collaboration, which is also in my top four. Whereas Erin is opposite, she's Commanding, right? And I want you to talk about the difference in that, but just recognizing in black and white words on paper and colorful graphs, Erin's on this side of the graph, I'm on this side of the graph. And we both look at each other now and we tap into each other's strengths instead of focusing on the difference as a weakness in the other person or in our relationship. We lean into the benefits of me being Intellectual and her being an Instinctive when we're collaborating on our projects or we're having any conversation at all. Yeah, it's cool.

Power Styles And Collaboration Strengths

Marcus Straub 49:20

Absolutely. You are in the same exact continuum, which is the Power continuum. One side is Commanding. These people are into status, power, recognition, control over their destiny, a legacy, wanting to have the light shined upon them, you know, not wanting to be in the background necessarily. And Collaborative is exactly the opposite. They don't necessarily want to be out in front, they don't necessarily want to be have the light shining on them, they just want to work with a good quality group of people that are working together to get something done and do something good, you know. And so these two things can really butt heads with each other, but they don't have to, they don't have to. They're just different points of value that people have about the same concept, which is power. And once people understand, hey, you know, Erin's Commanding could be kind of helpful here. Hey, Kellie's Collaborative can be kind of helpful here. It doesn't have to be an issue, it can be an asset to be different than each other. And when we understand that, we clear that path between us really, really nicely. You know, I think that Erin's Commanding helps her low D in her DISC. I think to be a little more Commanding, to want to have a little more control of her destiny actually bolsters that low D. And Kellie, I think that your Collaborative actually helps to assist your higher D than Erin's. It softens it just a little bit in order to help you to do what you're doing even better. I think that if you allow them to, they will really come together, sort of like you put your fingers together on your hands, in which there's a real synergy there, a real connection, like two puzzle pieces that fit together better because you understand them and how they work for you, not against you, if you use them properly.

Erin 50:57

Yeah,

Kellie 50:57

Yeah, absolutely.

Marcus Straub 50:58

So good. And then we also looked at your Selfless and your Receptive. So in Erin's number three, this again, this is on page 15 of the report under Drive Primary Driving Forces Cluster. Erin is Selfless. What that means is that Erin is not necessarily interested in maximizing ROI, okay, not using every resource, especially time, as efficiently as she can. What she is interested in having being able to set her own pace and being able to do quality work without feeling rushed, particularly because she is a high S in the DISC behavioral style. So there's two things there saying the same thing from different angles within her. And she really just feels satisfaction when she can check something off of the list. Kellie, on the other hand, isn't that way in her number three position. She's actually Receptive, which is again a totally different continuum than Selfless is on. Kellie is open to new information, new ideas, new people, new strategies, and new ways of doing things. She's always looking for how we can do it better, how can we do it smarter, etc., etc. So she's willing to change. She's got a lower S in her DISC, so she's less change resistant there, and she's highly Receptive and she loves to learn. Think about this. This is a human being in your sister, Erin, that doesn't mind change, especially if it's meaningful. In fact, she likes change because she doesn't really like the status quo. That high eye likes that variety and different flavors and different energies and different things that are going on. And then she's got this Intellectual that's willing to learn about just about anything. You, on the other hand, you still have that high eye that likes the variety, but that lower or the excuse me, the higher S that really is change resistant. And if we were to dive deeper into your report, we see that you're more structured than Receptive, like your sister, meaning a little more black and white, a little more rigid in how things are, much more change resistant, if you will. I kind of like the status quo a lot more. That's okay, you're just different, but understanding that allows you two to blend much better than you ever have before, because instead of like, well, gosh, why doesn't she ever want to make a change? My wife might say that in her head before. And I know she's like, "Oh, that's right. She's a high S, she's got structured in her, and she's a little more routine status quo than I am. Okay, I can accept that. Let's work with that and see how we can put that together." That's how that really works when you understand this information.

Erin 53:18

Yeah. I actually have an example of that that happened today. Kellie and I were on Zoom and we were just having collaborative work time. So we were on Zoom together so that we could chat if we needed to. But she was working on a project and I was working on a different project. And she asked me if I wanted to help her with something or work on something. And I said yes. And then she said, "Okay, well, you're gonna have to learn how to do this in Mailer Lite." And I was like, "Never mind, I'm out."

Kellie 53:50

I'm out!"No, then you do that."

Erin 53:53

No, because I don't have the capacity and I don't want to learn. I said, "I do not have the bandwidth to learn that today," secretly... or any other day.

Kellie 54:02

You didn't really fucking care. And that's totally cool. And I didn't take it personally, right? Instead of in the past, maybe saying, "No, Erin, you've really got to learn this. Let's let me drive it down your throat right now, and you have to be a part of this, and we have to collab." I was immediately able to recognize that and went, "Great, you go do your thing, I'll do mine, and we'll meet back here in five minutes."

Erin 54:26

Yeah. And on my end, before this work, probably would have been like, okay. And I would have like begrudgingly like listened to her teach me how to do it, but I definitely wouldn't have retained the information. I wouldn't have been able to go out and do it on my own after that. But I would have felt pressured that I needed to help her in that way, that I had to learn something new, that I needed to do it and so that I could, you know, take something off of her plate. But it would have been because I felt like that's what she wanted me to do. And instead, I now have the confidence to just say, like, that's just not in my wheelhouse. It's not a strength of mine. I don't want to learn that. And I certainly don't have the bandwidth to do it today. Maybe another day, probably not, but there's a chance. So, anyway, that was a really beautiful example of how that unfolded today.

Marcus Straub 55:58

Without even maybe even knowing what you actually said. And I mean that in the kindest of ways, because you know, I'm listening from the outside looking in, and I know what this stuff does. And so what you just described was is I get to be me and I get to be accepted for who I am because my sister understands me now instead of judging or assuming what I am. So I can say no, and she understands why. So she doesn't take it personally, and she says, Fine, I'll do it, you do that, and we're done. And you just divide and conquer what's in front of you that suits each of you a little bit better. And you also are reducing tension and stress and strife in your relationship because you're not trying to force each other or yourselves to be something that you're not. You get to talk about it, you get to work it out, you get to come to resolution instead of reaction. And whenever you come to response and resolution, you're always gonna have a better outcome than reaction when you have the time. It's beautiful. That's how it's designed to work. Thank you. I think a couple of other things I want to share is you know, when we went through your guys' DISC, Episode 20, we're going through the DISC, page nine. We start talking about ways to communicate. I ask people this all the time because what we're saying is we're saying, okay, Kellie, based on how you're built, this is how you would probably like to be communicated with. And Erin, same for you. And when I work with people on this, I typically say to them, has anybody ever asked you how you would like to be communicated with? And they say, No. And I said, Well, we're about to do that. And so basically, what I did with you guys is I had you, Erin, think of your sister, and I had you, Kellie, think of your sister and pick the three things you wanted the most from the other person from the list of communication strategies that are on that page. You literally got to tell your sister, this is how I would like you to talk to me, because when you do, it's easy for me to listen. It's easy for me to stay engaged. And then we went to the very next page. And guess what? We had a list of things that really turn each of you off based on your behavioral style that cause you to want to lead the conversation as little as five seconds. It'll placate each other, not right, but it's just going right in one ear and right out the other. Because it's not easy to listen anymore. And I basically said, Hey, do the same thing. Think of your sister and tell her the three things that really turn you off so that they can avoid that at all costs and we can keep engagement and listening high. Powerful information that most people never have. You two have directed at each other, with each other, for each other, and for that relationship.

Kellie 58:27

Can we do a quick reminder? Can you go back to those pages real quick and we do a quick reminder of what those top three were?

Marcus Straub 58:34

You bet, Erin. Would you like to read your top three that you want most from your sister?

Erin 58:38

Sure. Number one, show sincere interest in me as a person, provide personal assurances, and present your case softly, non-threateningly, with a sincere tone of voice.

Marcus Straub 58:52

Those all come out of your High S behavioral style. You have I and S both, you're a blend, but that's coming out of your dominant style, which is an S. And I remember when we did this, I made sure that Kellie understood exactly what you meant. Like, do you know what your sister means by that statement? So we had a chance to clarify, not assume again, but to say, Erin, what do you mean by that? And then you could explain it. And she's like, "Oh, now I've got it."

Erin 59:17

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 59:17

Kellie, what were your top three for your sister?

Kellie 59:20

The first was provide ideas for implementing action. The second was number seven, read the body language for approval or disapproval. I'd love to have you talk to the listeners about the importance of body language and tone. And the third was leave time for relating and socializing.

Marcus Straub 59:38

Well, that one should work for you both!

Kellie 59:41

Yes. It does. And you know what happened with that one? Erin and I really truly do love working together, even though working together in the past has created some significant rub and was very honestly the beginning of, not the complete reason for, but the beginning of the slow fade and disconnect, right? Yeah. As much as we enjoy working together, because we are so different, we do both have to adapt when we're working to each other's styles. And we both really value just our sister time. How are you? What's going on? What's happening with the kids? We can laugh and joke, we can tell stories, we can remember, we can do all the things that sisters do, which is something that she and I had really, really lost. And so I think that that one was so important to me because it is the bedrock, in a way, of the foundation that we both strive to have as deeply connected, well-meaning, and intentional sisters. Yeah.

Marcus Straub 1:00:52

It's good. It's really good. You know, to understand that and to really make use of that at a high level, why not?

Kellie 1:00:58

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 1:00:59

Once you know, why not?

Erin 1:01:00

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 1:01:00

Yeah. And back to the body language thing you talk about, I think it's fair that everybody understands that we're real all really pretty good at reading body language and tone. And there's a reason for that. So when all of us were infants in the crib, we could not speak the language, we could not understand the language. We have a very strong survival instinct inside of us, and we're trying to understand what's happening. Am I safe or not safe? And so, what did we have to go off of? Body language and tone, because we couldn't understand the word yet. So when mom would come to the crib and she was happy and she'd look at us and smile, Oh, I hope you had a lovely nap, sweetheart. Come here. And you pick them up, you feel good energy. She's got positive tone, she's got positive facial expressions. The infant understands, I'm okay, I'm safe. But if mom just had an argument with dad because he forgot the milk on the way home or whatever, and she comes into the bedroom and picks up the baby, but her face is a little bit stern, she's not happy, she's not light, she's not easy, her tone is sharper, her energy is different. The baby knows it's not as safe in that moment. This is why we are all really good at body language and tone. And this is why somewhere between 93 and 94% of all communication is body language and tone, not word. Word is only six or seven percent. So being able to read body language really does matter. And when we're looking at Kellie's here, read the body language for approval or disapproval, she's going to show you in her facial expression and whether she leans in or leans back, whether she's in approval or disapproval of that particular statement. So being able to pay attention to that and understand that alerts Erin to the fact, oh, she doesn't, she looks like she has a question about this or is not too sure about this. Let me pause and say, "Hey, Kel, how do you feel about this?" And then you get to deal with that in the moment and actually have a more productive conversation because you're understanding what she's showing you through her body language changes.

Erin 1:02:48

Yeah.

Kellie 1:02:48

I would say too, Erin, don't you recognize I do that a lot? Like your body language or your tone is telling me that something's not quite right. I ask you that quite a bit. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And sometimes we have chosen not to do our work and to go into sister mode simply because body language and tone isn't conducive to productivity, work productivity in this moment. It's more personal productivity. So we switch gears and go in a different direction. Then we come back to the professional productivity and we're so much more productive. Yeah.

Communication Do’s Don’ts And Body Language

Marcus Straub 1:03:25

It's beautiful. Smart too, right? And if you know that, you can do that. If you don't understand that, you can't do that. So again, this is information that makes new things possible that weren't possible before you understood how it really, really worked and who each of you really are.

Erin 1:03:39

Yeah.

Kellie 1:03:39

Yeah.

Erin 1:03:40

Beautiful.

Kellie 1:03:40

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 1:03:41

We also got to talk about how you didn't want to communicate with each other. And most of the time, people look at this page, they go, I don't like all eight of them. I don't want any of them. And that's fair because they're all turnoffs, right? But I asked you guys to think of each other and pick your three. Kellie, which three did you pick that really turn you off if your sister does these kinds of things?

Kellie 1:03:58

Be curt, cold, or tight-lipped, ramble, and leave decisions hanging in the air. And it's hard for me to read those three without laughing.

Erin 1:04:09

Oh, it's impossible for me to hear you read them without laughing. Because I know I still do these things. Sorry.

Kellie 1:04:19

I forgive you.

Marcus Straub 1:04:20

Well, you're indecisive, right? I mean, you've got a low D, and so leave decisions hanging in the air. I don't know what the right decision is, so I'm just gonna let it hang there. And that's something that Kellie's like, she's more decisive and she wants to move things along, right? More results driven than you are.

Erin 1:04:34

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 1:04:35

And then the be curt cold and tight left your sister such a high communicator that when you ghost her or don't talk enough, she's like, What's up with that? You know, and so it's it's tough for her. Now, you, my dear friend, Erin and sister-in-law, what were your top three? Because this first one goes right to your sister's Intellectual scientific mind. What was number one?

Kellie 1:04:56

I won't laugh.

Erin 1:04:58

I will. Number one. This is ways to not communicate with me. Drive on to facts, figures, alternatives, or abstractions.

Marcus Straub 1:05:13

It's neon light.

Erin 1:05:15

Nerd alert.

Kellie 1:05:16

Nerd alert.

Marcus Straub 1:05:19

Yeah. What was the next one?

Erin 1:05:20

Number six down there. Be domineering or demanding.

Marcus Straub 1:05:24

Hey, big sister... I mean, right there it is.

Kellie 1:05:28

I mean, clearly that one is not intended for me specifically. I'm not domineering or demanding all the time!?

Erin 1:05:37

I'm not bossy, I'm just the boss.

Kellie 1:05:40

I have socks that say that, and you gave them to me, and I wear them every night.

Marcus Straub 1:05:44

That's right. And what was your third one, Erin?

Erin 1:05:47

Take credit for my ideas.

Marcus Straub 1:05:49

Excellent. So look at this. We talked about things that really irritate the two of you, and we're laughing, we're joking, we're finding where this comes to bear in the relationship, and now we can put it. The table, nothing's hidden, nothing's taken personally. Here's just what I need from you. Okay, I'll do my best to give it to you. Let's practice. I mean, that's literally it. Yeah, I like going to the next page after two, Page 11, where we talked about what value do each of you bring, right, to each other and to the podcast, The P-I-G. And I asked you guys to look at the other person. So I said, Erin, please look at your sister's list of eight strengths, values that she brings. And Kellie, you do the same with your sister, and then tell each other what those are so that you can see what the other person respects, values, admires about you through their lens of perception and get some really nice feedback from the other person that maybe you didn't realize and that maybe will feel really good and maybe will inspire you and bring you even closer together because of those things. And so let's just do this again, Erin. When you looked over at your sister's values on Page 11, what three did you pick out that you really value, respect, admire, appreciate about her?

Erin 1:06:58

So the three that I picked were big thinker, optimistic and enthusiastic, and creative problem solving. And I remember having this initial conversation, and I remember going through those because all eight are of high value that Kellie brings. And I have so much respect and admiration for her. It was hard to just choose three, but those were the three that I chose.

Marcus Straub 1:07:23

I agree with you. I appreciate all eight about her as well. I picked the same three that you did because in our work together and the LIG Coaching that I do and the company that we we work on together, those things really come in handy because you know I'm focused on other things and she's focused on those things. And we both we bring some of this because we share a behavioral style. But I really appreciate that about her. I think we we work well in these things.

Erin 1:07:47

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 1:07:47

I can relate. I can relate. Kellie, what did you what did you value, admire, and appreciate about your sister from that list?

Kellie 1:07:54

Well, the three that I selected, we share a couple of the same ones, but the three that I selected are positive sense of humor. I thrive on her positive sense of humor. I need more humor in my own life and her sense of humor and your sense of humor rubs off on me in a really positive way. And so I love that. Verbalizes her feelings was number two, and builds confidence in others, is number three. And I have to tell you, Marcus, one of the things that I have found since we did this exercise together in real time, listeners can go back and listen to those episodes, is I have kept these at the forefront. Meaning when I work with Erin, I remember these values and I do what I can in our collaboration, in our conversations to make space for these things because I do value them and they feed Erin on a human level at the same time that they feed me on a human level.

Marcus Straub 1:08:55

Well done. That's the value, right? I mean, look at the look at the value you're bringing by keeping those at the forefront, remembering who she is, what she brings, how she shines, right? And her remembering that about you. So then your lights are just brighter together. Couple more things I want to talk about. You know, we go down here into the Driving Forces, and there's a couple of really neat pages that we did some work on. We talked about strengths on Page 18, and we also got down into limitations and energizers and stressors. I think this is important. I'd like to focus on energizers and stressors. So, in other words, we all have four primary Driving Forces. We talked about yours already today, and we get down here, it's really neat to start talking about and learning from your other person in your relationship what energizes them in their primary cluster. Because then you understand what feeds them. And when you understand what feeds them and gives them energy and passion and power, hey, can we find ways to make sure you get more of that and I get more of that? Because if we do together, it's only going to be better, right? So I had you guys pick your own here because this is really saying, okay, what are you energized by, not what you think the other person is energized by? So when we talk about it with Erin, you talk about your energizers here. You pick three out of a total of seven. What were the ones that you chose where you really feel energized when your motivators are engaged?

Erin 1:10:18

I am energized by improving my environment. I am energized by completing tasks, and I am energized by the pursuit of advancement opportunities.

Marcus Straub 1:10:30

And these come out of the first one, you're energized by improving your environment. That's that comes right out of your Harmonious, exceptionally passionate. This matters more than just about anything. Okay. Yeah. It really does. It's so strong in you, it's not even funny. So it has to be respected, that has to be understood, not disagreed with, just understood. And try to feed that wherever you possibly can. So the more Harmonious your environment is, the prettier your work environment is. All this stuff matters. And if we can facilitate that, why the heck not? It just means something to you. Yeah. She is energized by completing tasks that comes out of your Selfless driving force. That's a primary thing that matters to you. When I complete a task, oh, it's one more thing to check off the list. More fun time.

Kellie 1:11:12

I get so excited.

Marcus Straub 1:11:14

Right? Less task, more fun. And then number seven, she's energized by the pursuit of advancement opportunities here on Page 20. Now, this comes out of your Commanding. And what that means is that when you are ready for advancement, you would like it to happen. And you pursue some of those opportunities as well because it's energizing, it's fun, it's fulfilling. And so it's important for your sister to know these things about you because then she can help facilitate these things as much as she possibly can, and at the very least, understand why they matter to you, even if they don't matter to her.

Kellie 1:11:46

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 1:11:47

Kellie, you chose some energizers too. What did you pick?

Kellie 1:11:50

I picked, oh, and these are on Page 20. Yep. I am energized when able to express imagination, that creative outside the box big thinking. I enjoy experiencing my surroundings, and I'm energized by thinking out of the box.

Marcus Straub 1:12:08

Fair enough. And you know, your number four and five that you picked, energized when able to express imagination and enjoys experiencing your surrounding, that comes out of your Harmonious too. You picked two out of your number two driving force. Erin picked one out of her number one. This matters to both of you. And so, oh, hey, we both can feed each other's Harmonious as best we possibly can here. And really, the best way to do that is to have a really good relationship with each other, which is what a Relationship Reset is really all about. When you pick energized by thinking outside the box, that's your Receptive nature there. You know, you're also a low C in your DISC, outside the box thinker, not really confined by the parameters and rules of what has to be, and then always looking for a better way to do it. There's your outside box thinker, there's your creative problem solver, there's your big thinker right there that we just talked about earlier. Yep. And then if we go to the next page, we talk about well, what stresses you out based on your primary Driving Forces cluster? Then this helps the two of you understand, okay, I really don't want my sister to be stressed out. So how can I help? What can we do to minimize stress and maximize energizers, right? Because that's what we're trying to do minimize stressors, maximize energizers. So, Kellie, we had you guys pick your own again. What did you pick for your three primary stressors that really work on you the most out of your primary cluster?

Kellie 1:13:25

Yep. Kellie is stressed when knowledge is restricted. Like I can't log on to Google and find out that a big group of turkeys is called a rafter in the moment. I have to wait for self service.

Marcus Straub 1:13:37

That's right.

Kellie 1:13:38

Stressed by an environment with no opportunity for intellectual growth, and frustrated with a disregard for balance.

Marcus Straub 1:13:47

Those first two come right out of your Intellectual driving force. It's your number one thing. I must learn. I need to learn. I love to learn. I have to learn. I'm fulfilled and nurtured and nourished when I learn. It fills you up, it fills your tank. So if you can't do those things, that's stressful. Yeah. And that's important to understand. I think most people who aren't Intellectual would never get that ever.

Kellie 1:14:09

No, they probably wouldn't. And I could see where this comes to bear coming back to Erin's note about Chat GPT, you know, and AI work is because it always says at the very end, "If you want, I can give you this, this, this, this, or this." I'm like, "Yeah, bring it on!"

Marcus Straub 1:14:26

More.

Erin 1:14:27

And I'm like,

Marcus Straub 1:14:28

I wish you could see Erin's face...

Erin 1:14:29

Oh my gosh. I'm like, "If I wanted more information, I will ask for it. No, I don't want more information. I want to finish the task!"

Marcus Straub 1:14:39

That's right.

Erin 1:14:40

We've already started. Time to play. Jeez, chat.

Kellie 1:14:43

Brilliant.

Marcus Straub 1:14:44

And then you also picked, Kellie gets frustrated with disregard for balance. That's your Harmonious right there. So when we talk about Harmonious, it's balance in our surroundings, balance in our relationships, balance within ourselves. That balance really matters to Kellie. And when that's not there, she is stressed out. And you know, when we're highly Harmonious, like the two of you, one thing, one thing can be thrown out of whack in your environment, in your surroundings, in your experience, particularly in your relationships, because you're people oriented, that it destroys everything. It just lays waste to the whole thing. It's a disaster, it's a mess, everything's broken. I can't function. This is terrible. You're real both are really susceptible to that because of your Harmonious and your people relationship orientation. So balance matters, harmony matters.

Erin 1:15:26

That makes sense.

Kellie 1:15:27

Yep.

Marcus Straub 1:15:27

Erin, what'd you pick for your three big stressors out of your primary cluster?

Erin 1:15:31

There might be a common theme here. My three stressors. She does not enjoy the learning of excessive information.

Marcus Straub 1:15:40

Have we taught have we covered that?

Kellie 1:15:42

No, chat. No, stand down.

Erin 1:15:47

Seriously. Conducting extensive research makes Erin stressed.

Kellie 1:15:52

I said stand down.

Erin 1:15:55

And she is stressed when success is measured through efficiency.

Energizers Stressors And Better Support

Marcus Straub 1:16:00

There you go. That's your Selfless saying, "You know, I'm not. Efficiency is not my number one priority or value. I value getting the job done right, having the enough time and resources to do it the way I want to do it, and checking it off the list because that feels really, really good to me." So if it's only measured through efficiency, that's going to really be stressful because that's counter. And for Kellie to understand that, because she's more efficient, she runs on a more efficient time clock than you do. And so for her to understand that, she can say, okay, okay, we just have a value difference here. How do we bridge this gap instead of having an issue because of it? Remember, it's always about walking towards each other instead of walking away from each other in a Relationship Reset. And now we have the data to do that. We have information that lets us laugh, understand, and just gently walk towards each other, embrace each other, and then have the very best relationship that we can.

Erin 1:16:49

Yeah. I mean, it is wild to me that it's been six months since we did this initial work, since we did our own Relationship Reset, because it has it has changed so many aspects of our relationship. It's just been really exciting. It's been so powerful.

Kellie 1:17:08

I think what's fun for me too, Erin, especially, is, you know, Marcus and I, and you, you've had exposure to this information a long time, but we've never used it in this way.

Marcus Straub 1:17:21

Right.

Kellie 1:17:21

Right? So there's a difference between being exposed to, say, a DISC profile. So many people are familiar with DISC where they've taken a DISC assessment at a job or as part of a group or an organization. They're never debriefed. It's never turned into a tool. It's never developed into real human interaction. They have no idea how to use it and it all just goes away. It gets filed away in a drawer. Never use it. So sometimes that word alone can, oh, I've done that. No, you have not done it if you haven't done it this way and brought it to life and make a part of your day in and day out living experience, just like breathing and eating. I mean, this information is so alive in our home. I mean, as we're having our conversations in the evening, we're talking about behaviors and motivators and acumen and competencies and stress and engagement and tasks and all of these great things that are part of this. And so it becomes a tool that we use not just with ourselves and with each other in a marriage relationship, but now you and I in a sister relationship, you're using it with your boys. I we use it with our kids, you're using it in your relationship with Jason and with friends. The ripple effect that this is having is so profound. And I think that that's one of the biggest takeaways that I hope people have. And Marcus, I'd love to hear from you. For people who have no report, how can they get one? And how can they get better if they don't have one?

Marcus Straub 1:19:02

Okay. Well, before I answer those questions, I would like to share another ripple effect I want to make you and the listeners aware of. So we did a Relationship Reset on the two of you, right? Yes. Now, Erin, you've heard from somebody in your life too many words because you're such a high communicator and they're a low communicator, right? You just got the opposite with your sister being Intellectual and you being Instinctive, too much knowledge, too much information. You now feel what that feels like in that other relationship through your relationship with your sister on a completely different topic because we were able to show you both sides of that coin. It has a it ripples into your other relationship, even though we're not necessarily doing a Relationship Reset with her.

Erin 1:19:44

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 1:19:45

Does that make sense?

Erin 1:19:46

It makes so much sense. And again, ties back to what I was saying earlier, where then having you remind me of that and bring that to my attention and just say, remember, the supplies over here in a different way than here is just I'm so grateful for each of these opportunities that I get to just be a better human, to be a better sister, to be a better mom, to be a better partner, just everything. The ripple effect is really profound and it can change the way we move through the world. It has changed how I see a lot of other people, and I'm sure it is changing how people are interacting with me.

How To Get Assessments Or Start Anyway

Marcus Straub 1:20:34

Fairly said. Fairly said. Now, back to your question, Kellie, of how can people access this tool or what do they do if they don't have access? Let me answer the first one first. If you want the kind of experience that you've been part of by listening to The P-I-G that Erin and Kellie have had with me, the only way you're going to get that, in all honesty, is if you contact me and you get you decide you want to do a Relationship Reset too, or you at least want to get these assessments for yourself and understand yourself and other people better. Because the way I do my work is different than other people. And we really turn this into a living, breathing part of your framework as a human being that you get to take with you everywhere you go into every relationship personally and professionally for the rest of your life. I don't think that's a small thing. Knowing what I know, what you guys now know, and what we're trying to convey to the audience, I think it's a big deal. If you don't have access to one or you don't take one, the best thing I can say to you is that a lot of assumptions have been made in all likelihood between you and other people. A lot of judgments. It's really about asking questions, it's about listening, and it's about communicating so that you can dispel those assumptions and judgments and really come to understand what actually is. I think these assessments give people a safe place to talk because you see it in data, black and white, something that was generated not by the other person, only out of their answer. The algorithm did the rest and how how highly accurate that they are. But if you don't have the assessment, if you don't want to take one, that's okay. Listen, communicate, and seek to understand as opposed to assume or judge. Be curious about each other, ask questions, work together, seek a better relationship. And if you need the assistance of an assessment and somebody like me, give me a call. Reach out to my website, ligcoaching.com, contact me. We'll talk and we'll see what we can do to get you a Relationship Reset if that's what you want.

Kellie 1:22:30

And, we have the Relationship Reset up on thepig podcast.com website as well. So people can navigate there. Marcus, March is International Listening Awareness Month! How exciting is that?

Marcus Straub 1:22:45

I love that.

Kellie 1:22:47

Talk to us real quick about, you know, you have a training called Listening with Integrity, very unique, unlike any listening training any human being has ever gone through in their entire life. You are so passionate about the competency of listening. We just kind of share from your heart a little bit about why listening changes human relationship and connection.

Marcus Straub 1:23:13

Absolutely. It's uh it's a cornerstone of communication and relationship. If you're gonna have a relationship with another human being and you can't listen, the bottom line is that that's set up for malfunction or dysfunction from the very get-go. Because if you can't listen, that means that you can't understand, you can't take in information. You just want to tell your own story or talk about what you want to talk about. And so it really debilitates a relationship. So when a person can actually learn that they have sabotaging listening blocks, that their brain gets busy doing other things while other people are talking, and that that's interrupting your ability to truly take in not only words, but remember tone, body language, even energy if you're sitting with that person in real life. If you're busy rehearsing what you're gonna say, rehearsing what advice you're going to give, thinking about what you're gonna spar with this other person about, thinking of just what next story can you tell, no matter what story they told. We call that one identifying, really tough one. No matter what you're doing, what mental gymnastic you're engaged in instead of listening, you're going to miss the body of what this person is trying to share with you through body language, tone, energy, and nuances that you cannot catch if you're distracted in any way, shape, or form. So when we learn to listen, to understand, not merely reply, we put ourselves in a position to actually understand the other person, the situation, the opportunities, the possibilities, the dangers, all of those things. And we can actually communicate at a very high level where people feel heard. I'll ask you guys this in the work that we've done, do you feel that you each are more heard by the other sister than ever before? That when you talk, the other person's really trying to understand where you're coming from so that they can relate to you at a higher level, as opposed to I just want to talk.

Kellie 1:25:03

Unequivocally, 100%.

Erin 1:25:05

Yeah, absolutely.

Marcus Straub 1:25:07

And and being able to listen at that level changes what happens because Erin, I know you want to feel heard and valued. And Kellie, I know you want to feel heard and valued. And when the two of you take the opportunity to extend the gift of listening to the other person, to listen to your sister the way you would want your sister to listen to you, what we call listening with integrity, then what happens is this magical doors start to open up. You guys have trust, respect, rapport, credibility with each other. You feel heard, you feel valued. And guess what? That makes you lean in. And when you lean in, you're gonna share more, you're gonna put more out on the table, which means that you're gonna have more understanding and a more complete, whole, fulfilling relationship. If you're gonna communicate and you're gonna have a great relationship, it must start with listening because that's the number one thing we've got to get correct in order for the rest of it to really happen well.

Kellie 1:25:58

Bam.

Erin 1:25:58

So beautifully said.

Marcus Straub 1:26:00

So I think we should all just listen to each other more. What do you say? Ask more questions, be more curious. It'll work, trust me.

Listening With Integrity As The Cornerstone

Kellie 1:26:07

Yeah, and you know, the great thing is, is once you go down this path, there's no turning around and going back. That is one of the most beautiful gifts that comes out of this work. We're doing it through the Relationship Reset, through integrity-based listening, through a commitment to grow closer and stronger and more empowered with every passing day and create that ripple effect we desire to have in the world to build the living legacy that is at the very core mission of why we even have this podcast and why we're doing this work. There is no way, Erin, that you and I can go backwards.

Marcus Straub 1:26:48

It'd be too painful, it'd be way too painful.

Erin 1:26:50

Yeah, because the thing is that before, when you would tell me things that I just really wasn't hearing, you know, that caused that disconnect. Now that we have just done so much of this work and really built strong bridges back to each other, and have the language, and have the language for it, I feel like I love you on a deeper level. I feel connected to you on such a deeper level. And so because of that, then when there are moments that you're stressed and, you know, that perceptions page comes into play, or I can just I can see it in your body language or see it on your face, like you're bothered by something. Some things, you know, you don't feel good or you're stressed or whatever it is. I have such a deeper level of care for that and compassion for that. And so, yeah, there's there's definitely no going back because then I think back on if I asked you, "How are you doing today?" And you're like, "Fine." A year ago would have been like, "Cool. So anyway..." But now I know if I ask you that question and I get that type of response, I'm like, "Well, that's not true. So are you gonna actually tell me how you're doing?" Or you know, whatever. Again, it's just it comes from that deeper just care and compassion and connection. And so it's so hard to actually really think back on the years that we were disconnected.

Kellie 1:28:30

Yeah.

Erin 1:28:31

And I wouldn't trade what we have now for anything.

Kellie 1:28:35

I see us approaching our relationship on a daily basis with purpose, with intention, and with gratitude. And so we are actually living our mission. And to be that human being is one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me in my life. And we are doing it together. Marcus and I are doing it together. The three of us are doing it together. The four of us with Jason are doing it together as a family with our children and our grandbabies, right? We're all doing this together with purpose, intention, and gratitude. That's an unbelievable gift. It is. It's our living legacy.

Erin 1:29:14

Yes.

Marcus Straub 1:29:14

Yep.

Kellie 1:29:15

And so it's just a really beautiful thing.

Marcus Straub 1:29:17

And so when two people are open to having a better relationship and they're willing to do the work that's necessary to practice to put into play understanding and techniques, they get to have what you guys have now. They get to close the gap, they get to have a better relationship where they care more, love deeper, and just work together and live together in a much more profound way that will serve you for the rest of your life. You'll have far more great memories to lean into at the end of your life now because your relationship has come back together, because you guys decided we want help and we are going to put it back together.

Erin 1:29:51

And we did it.

Marcus Straub 1:29:52

Yeah.

Kellie 1:29:52

Yeah.

Marcus Straub 1:29:52

And still an ongoing process. But think about how much less you're going to regret at the end of your life. Think about how much more you're going to remember and enjoy and be filled with by the time that your life comes to an end because you guys decided to actually be each other's gift.

Kellie 1:30:07

Yeah.

Erin 1:30:08

Yeah.

Kellie 1:30:08

It's the greatest box we've ever opened.

Erin 1:30:11

It is indeed. And I will say too, I mentioned this earlier, but in talking about the Relationship Reset specifically, I feel very led to, and maybe Marcus, you want to expand on this, but the relationship that you have with yourself is the most important relationship. And so it starts with doing your own assessment. It starts with doing your own work with yourself, because of yourself, for yourself. And then you can take that into work with another person for me with Kellie, for me with Jason, for me with my kids. But the Relationship Reset that needs to happen above all is the relationship that you have with yourself.

Marcus Straub 1:31:00

I think that's very, very well said, Erin. You know, everywhere you go, there you are. And unless you, unless you're okay with you, you know, you're going to be irritated by yourself, frustrated with yourself, down on yourself, whatever the case may be. When you said that learning this information helped you to see that it was okay to be you, that you're okay, that this is the way you are built. This is this is how you're gonna live your life, why you're gonna live your life the way you do, and that's okay. Everybody's different, but you could put terminology to it. You looked at it and said, "Oh gosh, I don't have to be what I think everybody else wants me to be. I actually get to be me and be okay with that." I mean, I think that's such a gift to even be able to say that. I wish every human being had that. So well said. Well said, sister.

Erin 1:31:42

Thank you.

Kellie 1:31:43

Well, this has been another amazing conversation. We are going to continue our weekly, bi-weekly coaching, and we will be back in six months with another Relationship Reset Check-in. Marcus, do you have any closing thoughts or closing statements before we all go pour a cocktail and enjoy our evening?

Marcus Straub 1:32:05

What a joy it is to always be here with you two, to talk together, to have ripple effects in each other's lives, ripple effects in the world, the people who are listening to what you guys are doing and bringing to the world. You know, I love being part of the solution, not part of the problem, you know? And whether it's a solution of just a person finding and accepting themselves or a relationship being rebuilt or a team being put back together, I don't, it doesn't make any difference. When we're closer together, when we when we can work together even though we're different and live together even though we're different, life is better. Yeah. Life is great, you guys, when that's the case. It's not so great when that's not the case. So kudos to you guys. Kudos to anybody who wants to improve their life and be part of the solution, not part of the problem, and live a great life because that's what stands before all of us. That tremendous, wonderful opportunity.

Kellie 1:32:56

Mic drop!

Erin 1:32:57

That was awesome. That was a fun conversation.

Marcus Straub 1:33:00

Indeed.

Erin 1:33:01

I did not use one single Kleenex.

Kellie 1:33:05

Neither did I.

Marcus Straub 1:33:07

I used one because my palms were sweaty and I wanted to wipe them off.

Erin 1:33:13

Your palms were crying?

Marcus Straub 1:33:15

Hands were crying!

Kellie 1:33:17

Alright, love you.

Erin 1:33:19

Love you.

Marcus Straub 1:33:20

Love you, Erin!

Erin 1:33:21

Bye.

Marcus Straub 1:33:22

Bye.

Kellie 1:33:46

Hearing the stories of others helps us create a more meaningful connection to our own. We hope today's conversation offered you insight, encouragement, or even just a moment to pause and reflect on the story you're living and the legacy you're creating.

Erin 1:34:00

If something in this episode moved you, please consider sharing it with someone you love. A small share can make a big impact. You can also join us on Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn and connect further at thePIGpodcast.com.

Kellie 1:34:14

And if you're enjoying this podcast, one of the most meaningful ways you can support us is by leaving a five-star rating, writing a short review, or simply letting us know your thoughts. Your feedback helps us reach others and reminds us why we do this work. Because The P-I-G isn't just a podcast.